My idea of parenthood

Dad.

Yes son.

I want a dog for a pet.

Only that.

Yes please.

Okay. I promise to get you one.

A German shepherd please.

Where did you learn that from?

What? The pet?

No. The German shepherd breed?

Dan has one.

I’ll see to it.

Thanks dad.

I can tell that he is happy. Extra happy! That conversation goes on in my mind at exactly 1500hrs today. I am on my way home after a somewhat disappointing exam. Disappointing because I had read so much and only a portion came. You know, the feeling of being wasted. Like you put too much effort when you could have used less. Let’s say the effect was too much that I started talking to myself as manifested in this successive conversation, in my mind too:

How old is this dog? (As I stop my car)

It’s six weeks old. A German shepherd.

How much is it?

Hii ntakuuzia bei poa boss.

Ngapi?

The guy doesn’t even talk. He shows me four fingers.

Si unifanyie elfu tatu boss.

Haha. Nimesema 40k.

What? Kwani nanunua slave?

Off he goes. He must have thought I was not a serious buyer when I really was. But not at that extortionist price. I was actually tempted to ask if the guy was selling the dog to me or to my sleek car. A six week old dog for forty thousand shillings? Ya Kenya ama Zimbabwe? Not in my conscious state. In our days, dogs were given for free. FREE! Forgive me son but your dad is an economist by birth.

These thoughts, coupled with the fact that I have been an uncle ever since I was in class six make me yearn to be a father. That must have been at the age of 12, just after the free education program was introduced. This must have come as good news to my eldest bro. I actually, am tempted to think that this was part of his motivation to sire children. And so for the last ten years I’ve been an uncle to an ever increasing number of nieces and nephews (currently eight of them). Through this experience of partial parenthood, I feel I can do it now. I want to be the next in line. The thought of fatherhood excites me. I hope I’ll be an awesome father. Not necessarily a dad as you’ll come to learn.

I want to be the best father that a kid can ever have. This I know must start with me being an awesome husband. I don’t want to be the type that complains all the time of how they can’t take it anymore because their wives are all over their business. What business? The moment you get married it ceases being ‘my business’ and becomes ‘our business’. It is the business of both of you, collectively. Your wife will be all over your business like it’s normal. No more personal space. You gave that up when you said ‘I do.’ Whether it was at the altar or in Kariorkor kwa chief.

I want to be a king, and that’s why I must marry a queen. Someone that can complement me and make me want to achieve more in life. A woman that can help me in decision making, by providing alternatives and not just barking down every decision that I make. I promise to never beat up my wife but on one condition- that she’ll also refrain from beating me. To this end, I’ll avoid chiqs from you know better. I can’t fathom the idea of someone beating up my daughter, and so I’ll beat no one’s daughter just because she’s my wife. Man! She was their daughter long before she became your wife. Respect her!

My first assignment will be to teach my children the ways of God, long before they start talking like they are in an sms conversation. It is our duty as parents, a commandment actually. I’d have quoted the Bible but am convinced you all know the scripture. I rarely quote the Bible anyway, except out of convenience. Like a drunk driver would quote John 2:3 to a traffic officer with the alcoblow as the microphone. Sunday school will be a must and family Bible study will be compulsory.

I want to play games with my children and be there at all their stages in life. I want to be the one to teach them how to tie their shoe laces, how to ride a bicycle and how to apply cutex on their nails and fingers. That last part applies to my daughter though, not Mbiri jr or Kamau. Hell, I ain’t raising no Binyavanga’s in my house. I want to be this father who knows when their homework is due and how they fared in class every day. It’s really important that we be there at all developmental stages of our children’s lives.

On a dissenting opinion, I believe that children are not to be reasoned out with, not at their juvenile state. They needn’t say that am a reasonable dad. No! God didn’t call us to be friends with our children. He called us to be parents. Correct them when they are wrong. Parenting is not for cowards, it is for those brave enough to exert their authority where need be. In the words of my pastor, ‘evil is growing because good people are not willing to condemn it.’ We are teaching our children not how to fear God but how to love Him. The results are children that don’t fear committing sin.

As a parent, you have to command your children to do the right things, not just requesting them. A request is two way, it can either be granted or denied. When you command, it’s two way too, it’s either fulfilled or denied with consequences, and then fulfilled. The difference is that it takes a longer route in the second instance but it’s still fulfilled. It’s a shame when your child throws tantrums because he/she wants a laptop that you can’t afford. Or those expensive toys that requires you to seek both financial and legal advice before purchasing them. How about when she demands that you buy her clothes that only a blind parent would approve of. All these situations require you to command them. Exert your authority and let them know that you run things.

When is Father’s day again? It’s time I was celebrated. Hehe!